Improving

You know, i'm always saying that i have to change myself. But the truth is that is not the correct way to phrase it. It should be said as improving myself than changing. Changing means literally changing the core of your nature which in cruel terms, forgetting who you are and becoming someone that you are not.

I am a very pessimist person to be honest (oh thanks for falling under cancerian signs). I think badly of myself, i have literally have temperamental confidence, meaning it goes on and off unexpectedly and the most injustice thing that i have done to myself is, i do not value my self or who i am.

I will have the tendency to degrade myself ( told you that i'm a pessimist) in the worse way possible. Especially in presentations or in assignments, i will purposely or rather slyly choose the easiest part to do. Due to stage fright it's better that i do it easy and end it fast. I'll get over my fears fast and that's it.

I was wrong. Or perhaps i should say, i'm doing injustice to the rest of the people. All the work could possibly goes down the drain, if i just present my work simply. It's not just a sign of disrespect to other people, but also disrespect to myself, who has been too putting effort in that work.

Imagine, or visualise a image where you're the leader, you've been putting in effort in this for so long, setting aside hobbies that you like, reducing personal time for this piece of ark only to realise that someone else has destroy it for you, how would you normally feel?

The work itself is an art. It is made of or created by the efforts of a united team. Therefore if one falls the rest will be implicated. Well that's how a team is suppose to be right?

I think i know the answer, which is why the guilt stays in mean, which is why that becomes the motivation in pushing me forward, in improving myself.

It'll take some time before i can fully grasp it and applied it though, after all human beings does prefer to confine in their safe little heaven. But overcoming challenges and trying new things is a good thing too, dont you think so?